Whether you’re just starting your plant-based journey or are a veteran vegan, it’s likely you’ve at some point felt uncomfortable or tense while discussing your vegan perspective with a non-vegan. Unfortunately for us, vegans are a group that people love to debate. Why is this? It’s certainly not because we are generally unpleasant or rude. Like in any group, a few may be quite insistent or even considered ‘militant’, but this is certainly not representative of all vegans. Most of us are regular, everyday people who want to make a positive impact with our own daily choices.

So, why do people love to debate us? My best guess is that the mere fact that vegans exist (a group that partially sacrifices their comfort and social life to help save animals) is unsettling to those who aren’t ready to make a change in their lives. If vegans are right and we don’t need to eat meat to live long and healthy lives, there are few justifications to keep sacrificing animals for food. So, when this idea is proposed to non-vegans, they can sometimes become defensive. However, let’s put ourselves in their shoes for a moment. Most people, including many current vegans, had eaten meat their entire lives, and have possibly become desensitized to a lot of the suffering farm animals face.

When people become defensive and non-receptive, this may mean it’s better to back off for now; the conversation won’t be productive. Sometimes, it can even get to the point in which neither participant is capable of feeling empathy for the other. This is definitely a sign to let it go. If you want to skip the pointless vegan debates, and instead use your arguments to inspire open minds, keep reading!

Neither of You Is Listening To Each Other Anymore.

Perhaps at this point, all you can do is wait for the other person to stop speaking, so you can repeat your argument in a different way. Or, maybe you’ve sensed that this is what the other person is doing. Regardless, if either one of you is not at all receptive, your conversation is going nowhere.

Collect your thoughts, and figure out how to convey your message in a way that makes them feel heard and understood. Or, let them know that you feel like they’re not listening to you. Then, if possible, come back to the discussion at another time.

Your Expectations Are Unrealistic, or Theirs Are.

If you’re going into the discussion expecting to persuade the other person to ditch their current lifestyle and follow yours today, you may be setting yourself up for disappointment. Likewise, if the other person’s goal is to trump your argument and prove that all vegans are crazy, overly-sensitive, or illogical, they will likely not be very receptive to your message.

Determine whether your intentions are to better understand and help each other, or to persuade each other to change immediately. If it’s the latter, it may be best to avoid discussing veganism with this particular person, at least for now.

One of You Has Been Triggered.

If the discussion has become emotionally charged, it’s possible one of you has been triggered. In fact, this trigger may or may not have anything to do with veganism at all. The problem is, when someone is triggered, they may feel compelled to trigger the other person back. This can lead to a serious argument; one that won’t produce positive results for anyone.

At this point, it could be best to excuse yourself, try to understand what went wrong, and possibly solve that underlying issue before resuming the conversation. After all, you probably wouldn’t want to hear the person who offended you (knowingly or not) speak to you about compassion and kindness toward other sentient beings.

You Are Feeling Defensive and Vulnerable.

Let’s say you’re doubting your argument or taking things too personally. If this is the case, it may be time to pause, reflect, and come back to the discussion at another time. There’s no need for defensiveness in a discussion — you’re both simply sharing your individual truths. The things that you’ve learned, heard, and observed are not ‘wrong’. They simply reflect your personal reality.

So, instead of presenting your vegan data and stats as the absolute universal truth, try saying, “Something that really helped me was learning…” or “I’ve come to see that…”. This way, you have nothing to defend or feel vulnerable about. You are just sharing your personal experience with veganism.

I hope I could help you identify the signs that you’re headed into a pointless vegan debate. This way, you can invest it in those who are open to your message. Imagine how many people you could’ve inspired to go vegan, within the amount of time you used trying to convince your uncle Frank, a die-hard meat lover, to ditch his beloved steak. At the end of the day, it’s not about getting through to the most resistant carnivore; it’s about giving those who are already open a little nudge in the right direction. This is the most effective way to make a real difference!

More Vegan Advice & Support